|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:55 PM||comments (0)|
My journey- consisting of 21 years behind steel curtains- has forced me to become a student of the human condition. I’ve entertained various friendships- and yes - I’ve experienced love - though ephemeral.
I’ve experienced pleasure - levels of felicity - euphoria at the thought of actualizing an intimate interaction - that could be best described as (one flesh)- and the unfulfilment of that expectation - procured pain.
I’ve loved whole heartedly - in totality - resultant of my ferverent prayers emitted into the universe- there vibrational frequencies mandating a response- but becuase my prayer was incomplete- the love that I experienced was not reciprocal - for I’ve found that some women disregaurded by past love interest - subconsciesly nurture the pain concomitant with their past emotional interactions.
It seems as though the men that they've relinquished their most sacred selves to - the men that they’ve loved - in the past - have taken so much out of them - that they’ve become emotionally distraught - becoming doubtful - suspicious - of thier right to love and be loved - viscerally - amorously- in totality.
The pain that has been inflicted upon their essence - has in some way - caused them to internalize culpability - creating a cycle by which externally inflicted pain- becomes an internally practiced self sabotage.
To those women - I ask - “If he has been extricated from your life- rendered extraneous- out of necessity - that you may advance - then why allow his vitiation of you to govern - influence - and in some cases - dictate- every present and future interaction?”
“Why give an individual who is no longer a part of your life - that much influence over your demonstration ?”
“Why hold your love in abeyance denying yourself the possibility to be truly loved - creating walls around your center mass (Heart) ?”
Now is your time to experience both love and life- more abundantly - but you must release yourself from him - his cruelty - his disregard of your divine nature - that you may efflorescence - and become the beautiful blessing that you were created to be.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:55 PM||comments (0)|
I’ve started this missive several times - only to relent - for it has never been my intentions to make public intimate adversity.
I’ve tried every avenue of redress - not wanting to experience life without us - yet the inevitable - though delayed- is still just that……. inevitable.
We entered into this emotional contract - a promissory note - to honor the language which bears our intimate signature - hearts synchronized - one flesh.
We knew of the abnormal circumstances - the elements of incarceration - distance in time - formidable adversaries - yet we embrace the challenge - used our being - pointed towards the moon - our essence the projectile shot into the vastness of space - that we may existe - frolic among the stars.
I’d hoped that you would prove to be that aspect of my being taken from me upon creation - placed outside of self - that i may travel the vicissitudes of life - in search of - that I may again be whole.
Against my better judgement- in violation of my constitution - I volnoberlized myself - only to be disappointed - yet I stood steadfast in the face of adversity - impervious to the visual lie - intimate phone calls - false promises - undefeated.
You couldn’t see my vision - couldn't fathom the depth of my passion - couldn't countenance my ambition- drive- my desire for success- and my unrelenting stance against injustice.
You perceived my discourse - just prison talk - my vision - just a pipe dream - my liberation - an impossibility- but I now poise myself to move among the free - my turn has come.
In giving up on me- you gave up on yourself - entertaining unfulfilling escapades with mannequins - relinquishing your most sacred self - only to regret the instant act - its elusive gratification immediately dissipating in the darkness of silence- where you know lay - alone.
To all of you who didn’t believe in me - the earth is my opportunity - and i'll make the world adjust.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:50 PM||comments (0)|
First and foremost- this is not a religious or dogmatic piece - this is merely a thought - rooted in the truth of revelation - that wisdom may be imparted - shining a light into darkness - and have darkness comprehend the light.
I was talking to one of the most beautiful women - that I’ve ever met - and she expressed to me - that she thought that her destiny was to be alone. (paraphrased)- I disagree.
No woman is destined to be alone - that is the choice one makes who have - in most instances - suffered trauma - that led to a distorted self-image - self-concept - self-worth - which in turn causes her to either consciously or subconsciously - devalue herself - and her relevance to God's plan.
The God made man for woman - and woman for man - for he is a God of order - not of chaos - anything else is a choice we make.
Now don’t misconstrue what I'm saying - I'm not delegitimizing the extraordinary love found in the LGBTQ community - for your right to love who you choose to love is sacrosanct - an issue that I've addressed with my beautiful daughter.
I’m saying this - unaddressed trauma whisper into the psyche of its victim and makes adverse thoughts fair seeming. One deserves the felicity of a love that is shared between two humans - to the delight of god - for after god made man and saw that man was alone it was determined that this was not good - and for us now - to pit our intelligence against god - and come away thinking that we are right - and God is wrong - it is the epitome of deceptive intelligence rationalizing disobedience to god - the same mistake that satan made.
One must be cognizant of the fact that emotional pain from one's past - seeks to renew itself through experiencing more pain - videlicet - for one that has been placed upon this plain of existence to cohabitate - experience and receive love interacting as a spirit having a material experience - to pretend that it is their choice to be alone - when in reality - it is their fear of intimacy or loss that procures loneliness - is in fact - the act of inflicting pain upon oneself - and by proxy - allowing the emotional pain of one's past to renew itself.
This emotional pain - fear - then becomes psychosomatic - proscribing love - causing one to subconsciously- self-sabotage - negating one's purpose - one's inherent - intrinsic - desire to be whole.
You see - the pastor - is a religious coward - or their intentions are aimed at your tides- rather than your spiritual growth and development - for they should be imparting the wisdom of God's word - a wisdom that is for the perpetuation of humanity - through ordained activity - that unifies human spirits that God is made manifest on earth.
It is said that the truth will set you free- in this case - free from loneliness - free from victimology - free from a distorted self-image - and self-concept - that proscribes the maximization of your potential - which is found in the God concept of two becoming one.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:50 PM||comments (0)|
On Valentine's day- My wish is not for myself - or for my many comrades that are faced with economic disparities - in crimogenic communities across this great nation- and also for all of the human families that have yet to experience a love that helps them to effloresce - even in times that are as trying as the ones that we find ourselves in.
My valentines day wish - for all of you - is that on this day you discover that the one that you've chosen to love - authentically loves you. Not with a situational - circumstantial - or conditional love - but with a holistic - agape love that transcends materialism - and exists on a spiritual level wherein ones every breath is cherished - one’s every movement is appreciated - one’s every word is deemed mellifluous - where every touch is erotic - one’s pheromones is euphoric - and every memory made provokes nostalgia.
I wish you a love that transcends this plane of existence - it’s substratum found in the universal commands - BE! The essence of which has performed the act of copulation in space - not measured by time - it’s falience eternal.
I desire for you a love that is beyond comprehension - frolicks in lust - tempered by its own existence independent of popular opinions - self sustaining - self fueling - never to experience depletion - for just as energy - it is only transformed into levels of expression.
I pray that your love is blessed with longevity never to fall prey to the elements of distance and time - never to succumb to financial insolvency - to exist outside of this garment (bodies) called matter- that the things that plagued this garment does not matter - for as a matter of fact - love is all that matters.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:45 PM||comments (0)|
“First and foremost- I want to apologize to those that were- undeservingly - adversely - impacted by my past violence and criminality. In my ignorance - I made you victims - and it is my sincere hopes that you find it in your hearts to forgive me. I also want to apologize to the communities - across America - that I disregarded and disrespected- through my criminality. Those of us who have committed crimes don’t see the lives that we've affected - instantly - but after 20 years of reflection- I am painfully cognitive of the lives that I’ve affected - ashamed of my behavior - and am truly remorseful. I want to thank law enforcement for arresting the man that I was - for I was - at that time- a detriment to both community and self- and deserved to be incarcerated……. At that time. Since my incarceration - I’ve lost eight close family members- but it was the loss of my daughter that forced me to look deeper into who I was - which resulted in my promise to her memory - to change the trajectory of my life and actualize my purpose”
The above is an excerpt from my memory of my clemency hearing - wherein I authentically - expressed that which I was experiencing - in the moment - resulting from years of introspection.
I ask that those who analyze my thoughts - overstand that I was not born with an inclination towards crime - no child is- but I was born impressionable - into a crimogenic- sociogenic - environ- and it is within this context that I made uninformed - incorrect - life altering decisions.
As a youth - Growing up in a crimogenic environment - I witnessed - on my way to elementary school - drug activity - prostitution - violence - and even murder scenes - and as a youth - this can be frightening - and superimpose feelings of vulnerability - powerlessness - and dread.
Not wanting to become a victim of what I witnessed - on a continuum - I choose crime and employed violence - as a protective measure to defend against feelings of selflessness and vulnerability - desperately seeking to force my environ to respect my right to live.
This does not excuse the fact that I choose crime and violence as an expression of the structurated personality - that I accepted as self - but it affords one a reference point - wherein we can begin to overstand what we are witnessing in cities like Chicago - across the country.
President Trump has threatened to “Send the feds into Chicago to deal with the gangs” - and I say - that I’ve been in California - and Portland with the feds and or the national guard have been sent in- and though it resulted in gang sweeps - RICO Act charges and extended prison sentences - that gangs absorbed - adaptive - created a hybrid existence and branched out into uncharacteristic more robust forms of criminality.
They say that pressure will burst a pipe - and to send the feds in - is a form of external pressure - but pressure can also make a diamond - hardening and changing the configuration of a substance - but there's only one way to address gang violence - and that's by changing the thought process out of which the behavior emanates - “Changing gang behavior from the inside out®”.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:40 PM||comments (0)|
On 12/10/16 I was speaking to a very intelligent women- who expressed both her bewilderment- and frustration- at the fact that I am not receiving the support that she thinks the cause of N’STEP Ⓡ - as an organization - and I - as the President/Ceo - of this organization - should be receiving - considering the loss of life that is being experienced - due to gang violence - in cities across America.
I attempted to address this issue with her during our 20 min discourse- but though I've become adept at communicating time constraint- we were abruptly cut off. That being expressed - I've chosen to write on this subject- in hopes of advancing the conversation - by sparking introspection - that her bewilderment and frustrations be addressed - first- within the breath that is in each and every one of us that are adversely affected by gang violence in the instant act- and even those who are affected - secondarily - as economic victims - who ultimately - through taxes - pay close to 42 thousand dollars a year to keep one who has been convicted of gang violence- behind the steel curtains of the prison industrial complex.
First and foremost- it is logical for bewilderment and frustration to be experienced- for this young lady - who happens to be caucasian- viewing this circumstance - through the prism of - need for a viable solution - yet a viable solution- N’STEPⓇ - not being supported.
Though social media has allowed us to engage vast numbers of people - simultaneously - facilitating an unprecedented connectivity - and a sharing of ideas and information - it to has created a culture of voyeuristic - couch activism - which allows one to purge themselves of the guilt of inactivity - by voicing opinions - in a couple of hundred characters or less - without truly being active in our obligation- to not only be stewards in the life force- but to also exercise our responsibility to guide the youth- in order to secure the viability of our communities - and fashion our collective future.
Couple this fact with the reality that there are - seemingly insurmountable - stigmas and stereotypes- that are concomitant with the circumstance of prison and those of us who languish under said circumstance - which act as engrams - that is left on the psyche of so-called free society- like a fingerprint by impress.
This fact proscribes the onlooker - from seeing the object of their gaze - in the proper context- relegating the individual of the interest - that have under the circumstance of prison - to a paradox - wherein they can rationalize an individual veracity - integrity- and dedication- but cannot visualize his success for apathy permeates their reality - as they - daily- eat from poverty- in drink from insecurity.
This fact is buttressed by the reality that - the mind- does not naturally think statistically. The mind tells stories - which are slanted - skewed - and in extreme cases - painted by experiences - traumas - biases - propaganda etc- becoming part and parcel of one's psychic impression - one's personality construct - one's cognitive styles- informing - influencing - and in some cases dictating - how one views oneself- others- and the world one lives in.
When one's mind - functioning from stories that are governed by experiences- traumas- biases- propaganda etc- is also fed erroneous information concerning both - oneself - and the world around them - it ultimately acts against its own self- interest - and inadvertently - in the interest of the same forces that is the source of discomfort and frustration.
This reality - subsequently - negates an investment and a vision wherein one exposes self-determination - as a vehicle by which conditions can be ameliorated - causing one to relinquish responsibility - and accountability - to the possibility of self-healing - through innovative approaches to social ills- procuring an anemic reactivity to external stimuli - rather than decisive proactive movement.
WHERE THERE IS NO VISION - THE PEOPLE PERISH.
It was the lack of vision - of the people - that resulted in the unpredictable election of Donald Trump - and it is the accepted culture of voyeuristic - couch activism - that will watch - as our youth fall prey to cyclical - insensate violence - as mothers tears soak the sites of sidewalk vigils where their children lay in repose - and the taxpayer is shackled with the cost of incarceration.
I think that my Facebook site - facilitates the culture of voyeuristic - couch activism - wherein viewers purge themselves of the guilt of inactivity - through comments - in a couple of hundred characters or less - resulting in no decisive proactive movement - and I can’t - in good conscience - support such a lackadaisical approach to community reconstruction - so on 12/15/16 I will shut down the Le’TaxioneⓇ facebook site - until decisive proactive movement - on behalf of the close to 1800 followers - can be ascertained.
Until then I am going to tell you what Max The Bear (RIP) told me at the age of 11 when we accepted the constitution - “GO PUT IN WORK”! That if you want change - either put in the work - or support organizations that put in the work.
To support N’STEP go to the go fund me site. "Le'Taxione's N'STEP GANGOLOGY Fund”.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:30 PM||comments (0)|
I ended the first part of my apologia- with a quote that was made by Pastor Shon Davis- in his letter to Gov Jay Inslee- concerning my expedited release. The Pastor stated- “those closest to the problem are closest to the solution”.
This statement- is both true and profound. When you have a person that has experienced an addiction to a substance- and that person reforms and transforms their lives- that person is the best example- the best messenger- to those trapped in the state of addiction- for those trapped - can better relate to one who has lived through their circumstance - endured their pain- and have transcended- changing the trajectory of their lives- demonstrating the success in their journey- making success tangible- achievable- to those who are still trapped in a counter productive lifestyle.
The trauma that procures post traumatic gang syndrome Ⓒ (ptgs)- acts as an acencent memory- when triggered - causes the structural gang culture Ⓒ member to relive said memory- and release is found in the participation in violence - causing a neurological chemical secretion of adrenaline and endorphins - causing a state of hypervigilance which becomes addictive - creating a personality construct- a psychic impression of oneself= it does not experience uforia - except in a state of conflict - and in the absence of said conflict - in some instances - drugs and or alcohol become substitute.
Though we - as a social construct- are not ready to admit it - members of the structural gang culture Ⓒ experience the same relative aspects of the post traumatic stress disorder that soldiers returning from war experience. we experience hypervigilance - emotional hijacking- fear conditioning anhedonia - the only difference between what we experience- and what soldiers returning from war experience- is that one activity is deemed legal and the other illegal- but that too - is relative.
I’ve debated this fact with psychologist - psychiatrists- social scientists- and with the terminology and clinical analysis used in their field of study defended my position- a position that could not - and can not be refuted.
This fact does not in anyway desmerch anyone that have served in the armed forces- on the contrary- my step father and my uncle were military- and both paid a price - a price that allows me to freely express my position without redisence - or fear of ignorance or opposing views- especially when my position is supported by behavioral sciences.
This does not absolve me of any accountability in this epic drama - not in the least. I accept culpability - for my own fallibility - and deserved at that time to be incarcerated. I am merely giving the reader a evinecent glance into the psychological circumstances wherein gang violence flourishes.
Because I can give the reader this insight - resultant of both my life experiences - and my pursuits in sociology - psychology- physiology etc. - and the fact that I transcended the miscreant aspect of the gang mentality= and have compiled a corpus of work to this end- makes me - one who is closest to the problem- therefore- closest to the solution.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:30 PM||comments (0)|
The first in the series of writings on this subject.
I awakened this morning at 3:30 - as I do every morning - and as my cellie slept- I pondered my life's journey to various bicissitupes- to this point. It was 1974 when i began claiming Crips- and as I reminisced - I examined the exogenous stimuli - that both consciously and subconsciously- influenced- and in some cases dictated the choices that I made- and would inevitably - result in me spending more than half of my life - behind the steel curtains of the steel industrial complexⒸ.
First and foremost- I want the reader to overstand that no one is separate and distinct from the environment that produces us- misogynist environmental stimuli is manufactured - circumstances fabricated - realities shaped and formed by our social construct- and though our environment may be marked by criminality - and viewed as negative - in reality it works as a positive - for it is necessary to fashion and construct the human being- that they may fulfill their purpose- if overstood correctly.
My mother Uvavi- used to warn me -” Yo-Yo you're going to die in those streets”- my father RIP- used to say - “ you'll die for your homeboys-but will they die for you”?
What they cannot overstand - for they couldn't see my destiny- is that mothers and fathers- that had lost children to the miscreant aspect of the structural gang cultureⒸ psychology - experienced such a visceral pain- that their anatomical biorhythm and their prayers send vibrational frequencies into the universe - and when this transpires - the universe - an organism that obeys the law of cause and effect - must answer by fabricating circumstances wherein an answer to such visceral prayer - and cries - is created.
Wait a minute- before you conclude that I am bent on my own omnipotence overstand that there is nothing spooky about what I am saying. Im saying that - “ when there is a collective - visceral pain- suffering- that affects the mother - the vessel that God had chosen to share his secret of creation with - giving her the power to create life- as he/she does- the universe is obligated to fabricate the circumstance that leads to the construction of human beings that are given the ability to effectuate change- ameliorating the pain of mother” - this is why and how individuals are born that cure the diseases that caused humanity to suffer and no one can disagree that gang violence- has become a dis-ease in our communities.
I - just as other men and women- have endured the fire- of the structural gang cultureⒸ experiences - its insensate violence- criminality- it's psychosomatic impexities - and have been refined- the dross seared from our character - and now we redeemed existence as the solution to a problem that we will work complicit in perpetuating.
Neither sociologist- nor psychologist- have produced a panacea - that has effectuated change among the structural gang cultureⒸ and how could they? They are not privy to the experiential knowledge as we have - so they are left on the periphery- applying clinical terms equal to throwing darts at the problem- while the backstreets of our reality run crimson with the blood of our youth.
As pastor Shon Davis of JITA City Church of Spokane, Wa said “ those closest to the problem is closer to the solution” .
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:20 PM||comments (0)|
As we enjoy the spring weather- it’s magical influence on our psyche- and personal perspectives- giving us a nostalgic perception of imminent possibilities- love and life- in general- we must do some personal spring cleaning- that we may- not only enjoy the possibilities- but also create an atmosphere wherein the possibilities become probabilities.
This means that we must engage in introspection - conduct a personal diagnostic- an authentic evaluation of our station in life- where we are- and where we want to be.
In doing so- we’ll find that not everyone- in our cipher- is conducive to our goals to become who we desire to be- for instance- if one seeks to acquire a specific thing- desire’s a specific employment opportunity- yearns for an intimate and fulfilling relationship- one must first- through introspection- a personal diagnostic process- recognise these specific wants and desires- identify the obstacles that act as impediments - and then transcend said impediment.
This means that- in the process of sanitizing our cipher- we must identify the persons- places- or things that act as obstacles.
This will not be easy- for in the recent past we’ve made alliances- and have become comfortable with the persons- places- and things in our lives- that we enjoy episodically- but are absolutely counterproductive to our success and longevity.
We must - in this process- step outside of our comfort zone- and pain may attend the discussions that we must make to insure our success- but pain is a natural aspect of growth- and growth is a natural result of pain- they are inextricably bound.
How do we begin this painful- and arduous process?
First and foremost- we start by acknowledging that - just as we do spring cleaning of our houses- in order to maintain structure - congruency- and effectiveness- we must engage the same process- as it applies to our lives.
Then I want you to - literally- sit down at your computers- columnize the names of your most personal relationships- then right down the pros and cons of those relationships- and be honest.
After that process is finished- and if the pros are greater than the cons- continue to invest and grow that relationship- but if the cons are greater than the pros- you must muster and exhibit the courage to respectfully withdraw from that relationship- regardless of the comfortability- or familiarity of the person- place- or thing- for at times we become comfortable- with the person - place- or thing that is responsible for our stagnation.
Please don’t allow infatuation - love- or familial bond- to influence your decision in this person spring cleaning process- for I guarantee you that - in these relationships marked by infatuation - love- or familial bond- you're going to find impediments to your success- whether they be objects or organisms.
|Posted by anonymous on July 7, 2017 at 1:15 PM||comments (0)|
I wanted to make the time to address my mother- in a forum that everyone can experience- for there is no greater honor- than to honor one's parents- not only in private- with sentiment- but also in public- through one's demonstration.
I can remember - when I was very young- about five years of age- I had to wear braces on my legs- for they were so bowed- that if left in that condition- I may have been confined to a wheelchair- and in that process- my mother tended to my every need- becoming - in essence- my physical therapist.
She nurtured me too a full range of motion- but she didn’t stop there- she also cultivated my intellect- influencing my reading habits- and engaging me in visceral debate- insuring that I comprehended the material that I had read.
My mother’s personality was strong and authentic- and I admired her from the periferi- unbeknownst to her- for I’ve always been a student of the human condition- and the only way to gage the constitution of an individual- is through observation from a vantage point that they are unaware of.
My mother has always been an excellent teacher- through her demonstration of principles- and codes of ethics. The lessons that she taught me as a child- were so profound- and laced with vision- that they are now making themselves manifest in my reality.
She knew the trials and tribulations that I would face- due to the lifestyle that I’d chosen- and though her heart shattered with my every defeat- she gave me the space to grow into who I am today.
She never enabled my madness- always stood firm against my insensate violence- while simultaneously loving me through every circumstance that I would endure- and when my lifestyle became a threat to her serenity- she loved me from a distance- through spirit and expression.
Her method of loving me from a distance - in order to protect her serenity - forced me to become who I’ve become- for she knew- in her wisdom- that to support my lifestyle- through coddling me- would only cripple my developmental process- and hinder my evaluation though she didn’t always like me she always loved me.
Why am I sharing these things with the world?
I’m sharing in the aspect of my mother with you- that you may overstand that - there is no greater pursuit than to honor your mother- and that the key to one's success- is the honor of one's parent.
Heaven lies at the feet of the mother- for she is the first representation of God to the child.
My lifestyle choices were not condoned by my mother- but they were necessary that I obtained the experiential knowledge needed to address the gang issue today- and I could not have had a better representation of God- than my mother- so on this day MZAZI - I wish you a happy mother's day - and know that after missing 21 mothers days this is the last one.
I love you MZAZI- with all that is me!